


Don't Answer the Phone Tired

by Emu_Lumberjack



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Alya Salt, Dragon Kagami Tsurugi | Ryuko, F/M, Light Swearing, Lila salt, Maridami, Miraculous lady bug DC crossover, Snake Luka Couffaine | Viperion, platonic Adrienette mentioned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:13:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24474817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emu_Lumberjack/pseuds/Emu_Lumberjack
Summary: It's been a long week for Damian and Marinette, between fighting Akuma's as Robin and Ladybug then dealing with Liela all day. Both are thoroughly exhausted so who can blame him for not checking caller ID?
Relationships: Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug/Damian Wayne
Comments: 42
Kudos: 711





	1. The screw up

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so here's something that came to me at midnight last night, with editing done today

It had been a long week and all Damian wanted to do was go to sleep curled up with his angel of a girlfriend Marinette. They had been dating for months, she had asked him out about a month after he came to Paris. Two days after she found out he was Robin and he found out she was Ladybug. He hadn’t told his family yet, afterall who knows what Grayson would do if he found out he was dating Marinette Dupain-Cheng. The MDC, Jagged stone’s personal designer among many of her other accomplishments. The duo were sitting on the deck outside Marinette's room, they had planned to watch a movie on his phone but fifteen minutes in and she was snoring softly curled up next to Damian with his arm around her shoulder. Her blue-black hair had been freed from it’s twintails, Damian brushed some stray hairs out of her face. It had been a long week for her especially.  
They had been working with the Miracle team: Chat Noir, Ryuko, and Viperion because Hawk Moth was creating more akumas than he had before and they were up almost every night. Then for Marinette, Damian, and Adrien dealing with Lila and the class was a waking nightmare. It had been two years since Lila came to Paris, and the hate she seeded against Marinette had only grown. Marinette dealt with online harassment from her former classmates and whenever they saw her at school they would throw paper or pencils at her.   
Damian was well aware of how is angel was treated and the only reason he hadn’t pulled the “Wayne” card was because Marinette insisted she could handle it herself, what she did as ladybug made him certain she could handle the asshats herself, it didn’t mean he didn’t want to protect her though. Especially after days like today.   
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Lila had started a new lie, saying she was best friends with the Waynes and actually was looking to ask out Tim the second youngest, but was scared because they were childhood friends and she didn’t want to ruin the relationship. Damian could not fathom why someone would make up such a blatantly false lie, or why someone would want to date Drake. He was just about to march over there and smack her with enough lawsuits to bury her for over a year, until Marinette put her calloused hand in his and shook her head no.  
“Marinette whats wrong?” Lila asked, innocent as a storm cloud.   
“Nothings wrong, Lila.” Marinette responded quietly   
“Really because it looked like Damian had to hold you back there. Wait, are you jealous of me? Really Marinette I would expect more of you, some of us are just lucky enough to have connections.” Bitch Damian thought. Usually he wasn’t one to call women names, only using them for his mother, but Lila was the exception.   
“Lila I could seriously care less about who you do or don’t know. I’m happy with Damian and my sewing work.” Marinette had regained some of her confidence and Damian could see the fire in her eyes, the one usually gone when she was around Lila.   
Alya came up behind Lila and loudly proclaimed, “Oh. My. God. Marinette come on! What is it with you and being jealous of Lila first it was with Adrien,” Marinette scoffed, “now with Tim?” Alya was the one who hurt Marinette the most when she joined with Lila, but now Marinette realized just how toxic the faux reporter had been. Dragging her around, not listening when she said no, and refusing to look at the facts.   
“Alya I’m not jealous, and I’d like to remind you Adrien and I are like siblings now.” Marinette turned to leave when Alya put a hand on her shoulder stopping her.  
“Why are you leaving. We’re not done here.” A sneer crossed the girl's face.   
“Alya, please take your hand off of my shoulder. I’m leaving because it’s lunch break and I said I’d meet up with Kagami and Luka.” Her voice was calm and cool, no hint of warmth for the person she once considered a sister.   
Alya removed her hand, only to shove it back pushing the Bluenette to the ground. Damian lost it. Within seconds he was in between the two girls and seconds later had Alya pinned to the cold cement.  
“If you ever. Ever. touch her again I will bury you.” He said loud enough for her ears only. Fast as he had attacked he got up and went over to Marinette. “Angel are you ok? How can I help.” The fire that was just in his eyes changed to concern.   
“I’m fine Damian, let's just go.” Marinette was hiding her eyes from the rest of the crowd, because even though she said she was fine there were still small tears threatening to become a torrential downpour if she wasn’t careful. That's when the akuma alarm began. “Anyway I think we have an akuma to fight.”  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
The obnoxious Hamster Dance song was what woke Damian up from his dream. Marinette was still asleep next to him, bleary eyed he looked at his phone. Who the hell would be calling at this hour he thought. Swiping right he answered the call with a brisk “What the fuck do you want.”   
“Good to hear from you, kid.” Oh. Shit. Damian woke up as if Alfred had dumped ice water on him, because on the other end was Richard Grayson. Grayson who was the biggest gossip of any of his siblings, his siblings who didn’t know about Marinette. “Wait. Hold up. Is that a girl next to you?” Grayson asked, acting innocent but the laughter in his eyes told Damian all he needed to know about what was going inside the eldest Wayne’s head.   
“Grayson I do not have a girlfriend.” Damian’s face grew red.   
“Bullshit.” A soft voice came out next to him. So Marinette’s not as asleep as she seems.   
“Ohhhhhh! I cannot wait to tell Tim, and Jason, and,” he paused, “oh my gosh the girls are gonna have a field day…” Dick kept going on as Damian tried to sputter out sentences in rebuttal. Marinette now fully awake was shaking with laughter next to him. Finally after a solid three minutes Damian finally was able to sputter out a sentence, “I. Am. Going. To. kill. you.” Grayson just started laughing and Marinette smiled at him. Even when he was threatening death he was cute, it didn’t hurt that his bed head was adorable. With a few more scattered insults in Romani Damian turned off the chat.   
“Well Angel it looks like we’re going to face a worse danger than any Hawkmoth could throw our way.” He said solemnly.  
“Oh really? And what's that?” she asked sweetly  
“My brothers.”


	2. A Walk to remember

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next morning Damian hasn't gotten any more sleep. He's exhausted, that is until a surprise visit wakes him up

He really needed coffee, especially after dealing with his brothers after they found out about Marinette. The youngest Wayne was up till four yelling at them to lay off, among more colorful terms, everyone time they called. He would’ve just ignored them but he knew that ignoring them would just wind up with him getting a surprise visit sooner than later. The fresh Parisian air felt good against his face as he stood on his balcony.

“Rapunzel, Rapunzel let down your hair!” Marinette's voice called from the street.

“Only if the prince is willing to protect me from my aggravating brothers!” He cracked a smile as he shouted back.

“Alas I cannot do that, but would my damsel take this as a reward?” She held up a purple travel mug and a bag filled with a croissant.

“I think I could take that deal. I’ll be down in a few minutes.” He ran inside to grab his bag and throw on some day clothes before meeting Marinette. “Have I mentioned you’re the best girlfriend? Because you’re the best girlfriend.” Damian said walking up to Marinette.

“You could stand to mention it more.” The bluenette replied handing him his promised coffee and croissant. He gulped down the coffee barely taking a breath until Marinette laughed and said,

“Slow down there, you won't have any time to savor any of it.”

“If you want to stay up late dealing with my brothers, please be my guest but if not,” He gestured with his cup, “I’m gonna drink as fast as I want to.” Marinette nodded to that. “Was it that bad last night after you left?” “By bad do you mean each one of them was trying to call me every five minutes out of ‘concern’ for my health or to check to make sure I hadn’t kidnapped you.” Marinette laughed again. “Anyway if I didn’t talk to them at all they probably would’ve hopped on the first flight they could to see what’s going on.” They stopped at the light, when Damian turned to look at Marinette he noticed she was avoiding his gaze.

“You wouldn’t happen to know anything about my brothers. Would you Angel?” “Well, I might have gotten a text from Aurore to keep you away from school because three older guys had come and were asking around for you. One of them was half asleep and she couldn’t figure out how he was functional.” Damian paled, after a moment he said “And why then are we going to school, I personally want to get as far away from them as possible.”

“She sent me a follow up saying to get there as fast as possible. Lila told her lie in front of the wrong person and, well I’ll show you the video.” Marinette handed her phone to Damian who hit play on the video that was up.

_The forms of Grayson, Todd and Drake half asleep leaning on Jason. A voice came from off screen saying, “Girl I can’t believe Tim’s not taking you to the Wayne Gala.” Alya, Damian thought. She was beginning to walk into frame with someone else. He knew who she was before she spoke._

_“I know right. It’s just why would he invite someone else!” There in all her demonic glory stood Lila Rossi, not yet realising who she was walking next to._

_“I’m sorry to interrupt, but are you talking about Tim Drake? Adopted son of Bruce Wayne?” Grayson asked innocently. Damian knew that voice, it was the same one he used when he was going to demolish someone._

_“Well yeah. He’s her boyfriend, who are you anyway? Why do you care?” Alya was immediately there to be Lila’s guard dog._

_“Well my name is Richard Grayson-Wayne. Tim’s brother and Bruce's son. I care because unless he’s as good at keeping secrets as Damian is, which he’s not, then he isn’t dating this girl.” Alya paled, the camera zoomed in on Lila’s face. She looked like she was about to be sick_

_“Huh? I heard my name.” Drake, who was in a rare moment of lucidness, looked at Dick._

_“Are you pulling a Damian and secretly dating a girl in France?” Todd still Drake’s support was glaring at Lila. “What?! Are you kidding me? No!” Todd looked like he was just hit with a cement slab._

_“What are you talking about obviously you’re dating Lila! Stop Lying! I bet you're not even the real Tim Drake.” Alya was shouting now drawing crowds from around the courtyard. Drake looked at Grayson confused._

_“She does realize that we can sue her if she’s really telling these types of lies right? Like she can’t be doing that.” Tim stood in front of Dick and turned his back to the paled liar and fuming reporter_

_“Oh leave Lila alone!” Alya came towards Drake and shoved him into Grayson._

_“That does it.” Todd who had moved off to the side started walking towards the brunette rolling up his sleeves. Grayson and Todd recovered quickly, and moved to hold Todd back._

“We should get there before Todd kills them.” He said calmly before handing the phone back to Marinette. “Otherwise we won’t be able to take her down ourselves.”

“My thoughts exactly.”

In no time the duo were walking up the steps of Françoise Dupont where the sounds of shouts could be heard. The scene they entered was somehow more chaotic then the one Aurore had sent in the video. Todd was hanging upside down, the rope leading up around the handrails on the second floor then back down to a corner of the courtyard. Drake was on the bench snoring softly with his head almost touching the floor. Dick was on the phone, presumably with some lawyers. The entire bottom courtyard of the school was littered with papers and balloons were strewn about. Lila was nowhere to be seen.

“It looks like they’ve taken care of the situation, and they haven’t spotted us yet so I’m just gonna…” Damian began.

“There he is! Demonspawn, finally I thought you’d never get here.” Jason interrupted. He had spun around and caught sight of Damian and Marinette walking in. Dick turned around at the sound of Jason’s voice before saying “Yeah Duke I’ll have to call you back, but we need to sort this Lila stuff out.” He put his phone away before walking over to a corner of the building where he took out his knife and slashed a piece of rope. Jason came crashing down.

“A little warning next time Dick.” Jason said brushing off some dust that had settled on his tan leather jacket. Each one of them were dressed in their civilian clothing. Dick had on a pair of blue jeans with a grey t-shirt paired with some black sneakers. Jason was wearing his usual jeans, t-shirt, and leather jacket combo. Drake was in some weird form of pajama and day clothes mixing a graphic T-shirt and red flannel with grey sweatpants and slippers.

“Now I know that we have to be dreaming. Demonspawn is actually wearing a sweatshirt. I don’t even think Alfred could get him to do that.” Damian had run out once he heard Marinette’s voice that morning so he had just thrown on a pair of pants, a shirt and a sweatshirt barely thinking about it. He had become relaxed in Paris.

“What the hell are you guys doing here.” Damian’s face was quickly beginning to match a tomato in color and he was backing out of the entryway.

“Well obviously we had to come and see you, and meet your girlfriend.” Dick who had walked over to Marinette grabbed her hand and shook it. “My name’s Dick, the grumbling menace over there is Jason. The one currently passed out is Tim, nice to meet you, uh”

“Marinette.” Supplied. “I also have to thank you for taking care of a certain person, I’ve been trying to figure out how to get rid of her for a year.”

“Oh it was no problem at all, especially after she claimed she was dating Tim.” Damian quickly interrupted the two with a few well placed coughs. “I don’t mean to cut this short Grayson but we have to be getting to class.”

“Oh don’t worry. Bruce already called you out for the day, and Marinette I’m sure you can miss one day of school.” Jason said walking up behind Marinette.

“As much as I’d love to, I have two tests today. I’ll be happy to meet up with you afterwards though.” Damian’s eyes widened as the words sunk in and he realized what that meant for him. “Please don’t leave me alone with them.” He looked at Marinette pleadingly.

“You’re gonna have to tell us how you got him to say please, it took Alfred a month to do that.” Jason remarked. “Maybe another time, now I’ve gotta get to class.” She gave one look at Damian and there was laughter in her eyes.

“I hate you.” He said.

“No you don’t.” She called back, disappearing around the corner.

“So how bout we wake up Timmy and go get breakfast. I for one am famished.” Jason came up and put a hand on Damians shoulder.

“Ya know that doesn’t sound so bad Jason. Then Damian can tell us all about Paris, and the people he’s met.” Dick stood in front of Damians glare gleefully looking at Jason. “I will kill you both and Father will never be able to find your bodies.” “Yeah but then Marinette will be disappointed. For some reason she gives off the ‘thou shall not kill’ vibe.” Grayson said. “Now how are we gonna wake Tim up.”

“Oh I’ll take care of it.” Damian said grabbing his Ice filled water bottle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the second part. I did write this while being exhausted so I think it's coherent but I hope y'all enjoyed this!


	3. Pastries and Meetings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Damian is left to the mercy of his brothers, and still lack the brain cells to put things together quickly enough to prevent embarassment.

“Since you pricks are insistent on being social, tell me how Gotham is.” Damian asked his brothers, downing a swig of coffee.

“Oh you know dark, gloomy, and full of rouges.” Dick said “But enough about Gotham. Tell us about Paris, specifically a special somebody.”

“No.” The voice he used was cold and curt. “Where do you want to eat.”

“I think there's a bakery nearby,” Jason said with a grin, the exhausted Damian didn’t put two and two together until they were at the door of the Dupain-Cheng bakery.

“Shit.” Damian turned around to leave, only for Jason to pick him by his hood and look him straight in the eyes.

“Now listen here Demon spawn. We’re hungry and poor Timmy over there is freezing cold after the nice little ice bath you gave him.” A glance over to Tim saw the poor boy shivering in his still wet clothes.

“So we are gonna go in there and grab some nice warm pastries. Unless there's a reason we shouldn’t, but I couldn’t think of one could you?” Damian silently cursed his mother for teaching Jason to be such an ass, more so than he normally was. He kept his mouth shut knowing it would be worse for him to say that this was Marinette's bakery.

The party walked there normal mismatch of aesthetics. The bakery smelled like warm bread and freshly baked cookies. Like Marinette. It was enough for Damian to temporarily relax and let lose a breath he’d been holding for the last hour. This change in demeanor wasn’t missed by Dick but the elder boy chose not to comment.

“Hello and welcome to the Dupain-Cheng Bake…… Oh Damian it’s you. Wait, why aren’t you at school? Is Marinette alright?” Sabine came out from behind the counter, turning off her customer service voice the minute she saw it was Damian.

“Yes, Sabine she’s completely fine. In fact, she made sure I got up in time.” He motioned with his coffee mug. “A real lifesaver. The reason I’m not there now is because my brothers decided they just needed to come visit me in Paris so my dad called me out for the day.”

Sabine looked at the 3 other men in the room before responding, “Oh how delightful, you never speak of your family. I was starting to think you just hatched out of an egg somewhere.” A snicker from the boys in the back, “well no matter we must sit down and talk, I’d love to get to know them!” it was then that she noticed Tim in all of his drenched glory, “I can also lend you some of Tom’s old clothes while yours dry.”

“Oh if that wouldn’t be too much of a bother, someone thought they were funny and tried to get me up in a not so polite manner.” He glared at Damian, the latter pointedly ignoring him. Sabine caught on to his meaning quickly and stifled a laugh “Oh it's no problem at all, they might be a bit big though.”

Ten minutes later they were situated around the table on the upper level, hot coffee in front of Jason, Tim, and Damian while Sabine and Dick both had tea. The boys had chosen different pastries. Dick went with a blueberry scone, Tim who was now sitting in a much too big white shirt and comically oversized pants for his frame had a classic butter croissant and Jason went with a pain au lait. Damian having already eaten just sat sipping his coffee.

“So Ms. Dupain-Cheng..” Dick Began.

“Oh please just call me Sabine” She interrupted.

“Alright Sabine, Damian’s been less than forthcoming about his time here in Paris, would you be able to fill in some gaps? Like how he and Marinette met.” Damian kicked Dick from underneath the table.

“Oh, I’d be happy too! It’s actually a rather cute story. Damian had just moved to Paris and was having trouble making any friends, Marinette had taken note of that and asked me and Tom, he’s my husband you’d meet him but he’s out of town right now, so she asked Tom and me to help make this boy in her class some macaroons to help him get more accustomed to Paris. We thought to remind him of Gotham so we made them Batman and Robin themed. We actually probably have a picture of them around here somewhere.” She mumbled the last bit to herself as Damian steadily slunk down in his chair attempting to hide from looks his brothers would throw his way. “Well anyway the next day they were in class, and since they sat next to each other she tried to offer him the macaroons then, but Damian being Damian didn’t want to take them. Something about not liking sweets. Instead of shying away she just split one in half and asked him to just try that.” “I can take it from here Sabine.” Damian's voice surprised even him, but the boy knew what was coming next and it would be less embarrassing if he said it.

“Of course, you were there so you probably know it better anyway.”

Three predatorial gazes settled on Damian taking note of everything he said to rely to Bruce, Damian took a breath and continued, “I took the half she offered me out of politeness, after all, Sabine you and Tom worked very hard on them. They were probably some of the best Macaroons I’d ever had. Marinette left the box between the two of us on our desk and went back to her school work. When she wasn’t looking I took another one, I hadn’t eaten breakfast and it was a very nice gesture.” Damian looked up to see Dick holding his hand over his mouth, concealing a squeal most likely. Todd was looking at him with laughter in his eyes, and even Drake had a shit-eating grin on his face. “Anyway I ended up eating the entire thing, after class Marinette and I started talking more, and eventually we just ended up hanging out outside of class playing video games and the like.” “Oh my gosh, that is so adorable.”

Grayson was the first to speak after Damian finished. “Damian I never knew you could be so… so…” “Nice?” Tim supplied.

“Yes nice!”

“I’m mainly focusing on the fact that Damian was kind enough to actually have her keep up a conversation after the first one.” Jason was looking at Damian incredulously.

“Ah, I see his prickly attitude is not a recent development,” Sabine said, taking a sip of her tea.

“That would be an understatement. Although believe it or not he’s actually a lot better than when we first met him.” Dick said politely. The five of them sat quietly trading stories of Gotham and Paris, Damian firmly keeping them off the topic of him and Marinette. Cups of tea and coffee came and went until a cheerful voice called from the foyer “Mamman I’m home!” Damian immediately sprinted downstairs and tackled Marinette in a bearhug. “

Please never leave me alone with them again.”

She just laughed and said, “Was it really that bad Dames?” Tim who had just walked downstairs startled chuckling.

“What’s so funny Drake?” Damian said icily.

“The fact she called you Dames! Last time I think someone tried to do that you had a katana at their throat and they were found hanging upside down from one of the gargoyles at Gotham academy.”

“Did you seriously do that Damian?” Marinette focused her gaze on him.

“Ok in my defense it’s also because he wouldn’t stop coming onto me even though I had said no. I mean he wasn’t even my type.”

“Oh, and what is your type then?” She asked.

“Blue hair with gorgeous blue eyes. A complete klutz half the time, while still somehow managing to keep seven-layer cakes from falling down. Someone who will draw and sketch to their heart's content, while simultaneously dealing with a dumbass. Also doesn’t hurt if they can make the most beautiful clothes.” He planted a small kiss on Marinette's cheek just to emphasize.

“Seriously, how did you do that.” Tim’s voice cut through the moment, Damian turned towards him annoyed. “Now that is a story for after lunch. How bout we go grab some sushi and we’ll tell you.”

 _Not again_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok y'all, this was a caffeine-fueled, storm avoiding chapter that was written wayyyyy to late at night. Hope y'all liked it. Also, the Kipo soundtrack is amazing to write to. Also Also Marinette likes sushi, so does Damian. Adrien and Jon in their Anime loving selves introduced the two individually to it so now it's a go to for the couple


	4. Sushi talks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to plan some revenge, plus its time to find out how they met (Partly)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello All I decided to write part 4 before work and edit after. the pig latin at the start just translate to “Nix on the identity talk” for those who don’t know piglatin. also I hope y’all like it I decided to stop it where I did for slight evilness. (Sorry not sorry.)

_**Ixnay on the dentityiway alktay. I have another idea to tell them that**_.

Damian typed to Marinette as they walked into the restaurant. He felt his phone vibrate and looked to see Marinette's responding message:

 _ **Chat, Ryuko, and Viperion have to be involved, and no one gets seriously maimed**_. _**Deal.** _

Lunch went smoothly until of course, Dick asked about how they met. Marinette took a moment then said

“Damian and I made a bet that if Damian won in a video game we would go prank Lila if I won then they’d go have some fun with a water balloon fight to blow off steam.” Not super far off from the truth, just missing a few key facts.

“It was a bad day for both of us. Lila was being Lila, and we hadn’t played that fighting game yet. Needless to say, she was a lot better than I expected.” Damian finished her tale.

“I guess I’ll have to play you sometimes, I’m currently undefeated at the manor,” Jason said through a mouthful of rice.

“I guess so.” She said. Anyone else would think of her tone of voice as soft but Damian knew that voice, it was the innocent voice she used when she wanted people to underestimate her. He looked forward to the prospect of watching Todd fail miserably. Marinette’s phone started going off, she looked at and answered.

“Yeah, Adrien.” Damian couldn’t make out what he said but it was enough to startle Marinette. “Crap I completely spaced. I was caught up at lunch, can you stall Madame Bustier for me? I swear I’ll be there soon.” she shoved her phone in her bag while leaping out of her seat. “Thank you guys lovely meeting you. Let me know how much I owe you for lunch later.” With that, she was out the door.

“We’re not having her pay us back. Right?” Tim asked.

“Definitely not. It’s on me this time.” Dick responded.

“Also Bruce asked all of us to check up on the Wayne enterprise building while we’re here. Let’s head over after we finish up here.” A chorus of agreement followed.

\------------------------------------------

After the trip to the Paris office, the four bats went back to Damian's residence. The youngest secluded himself in his room taking that over talking with his brothers, plus he had to finish his plan for tonight, he’d tell Marinette the rest of it after she got out of school. He’d been at it for a couple of hours when a knock at his bedroom door tore him away from his work.

“What,” he said curtly annoyed at being interrupted. Jason poked his head through the door, he looked tired.

“Nice to see your still alive demon spawn, we hadn’t seen you in a few hours. Anyway, Dick went to the store, and Tim and I are gonna crash. Actually Tim’s already crashed on the couch and I’m about to follow. Wanted to let you know in case you needed something.”

“Yeah yeah I’ll wake you up if I do.”

“Yeah, that was actually my warning. Wake us up and you will get a fist to the face, fancy ninja skills or not.” Jason held his fist up for emphasis, Damian just laughed.

“Sure Todd, if you can catch me you can hit me.”

“Wow that Marinette really has loosened you up, before I don’t even think you’d respond to me.” he paused for a second, “oh speaking of which did I mention she’s at the door?”

“You could lead with that!” Damian said, throwing on his sweatshirt. He scooped up his notebook and a pair of shoes. He shoved his notebook in his messenger bag and started hopping on one foot down the hall trying to put his shoe on and get to the door as fast as possible. That was until he lost his balance and planted face-first into the rug, notebook landing like a tent on top of his head. He lifted it up slightly to see Marinette trying to stifle a laugh and failing, miserably. The Kwamii at her side no doubt doing the exact same. “

You’re welcome!” Jason called from Damian's room.

“I’m gonna kill him.” A very red Damian muttered.

“Oh don’t do that just yet, we have to plan tonight don’t we. anyway, he’ll get his due tomorrow when I play him.” She was still smiling as she offered a hand to Damian to help him up he could forget sometimes how ruthless she could be behind the sweet smile, he liked it sometimes.

“Yeah, you’re right, anyway ready to head out? Are we doing Andre’s?” “Sure we can meet the others in the park. Also is your brother ok, because it looks like he’s about to fall off the couch.” Damian looked over to see Tim’s sleeping head practically touching the floor, with his feet still laying horizontal. Damian gave him five minutes before crashing onto the floor.

“He’ll be fine, let's go.” The two walked out of the residence hand in hand.

\-------------------------------------------------------------

“Everyone clear on the plan?” Damian asked it was a couple hours after he and Marinette had left the apartment. The ice cream they got from Andre was long gone, and the sun was setting.

“I mean it sounds simple enough, my question is what you want me to do?” Luka said from the corner still strumming his guitar.

“If you could use your lyre for ominous music when we start, that would be perfect to freak Greyson out. He may not be religious but he still believes in ghosts. Also in case they ever catch on before we get to do the rest of it you can use second chance and we can do it again.” “Sounds good, and I have just the song.” Luka may be a kind kid but he wasn’t above pranks on siblings, especially if it was for a friend.

“So when do we start?” Kagami was pretending to study while she talked to them over phone, her mother wouldn’t let her meet up with them.

“Same question over here!” Adrien was simultaneously stuck in his room so Marinette had him pulled up on video chat.

“After sundown, think you two can sneak out by then?” Damian responded.

“How bout ten that when my mom is asleep and I can sneak out even easier.” Kagami offered.

“Sounds good to me if it is for everyone else.” A chorus of yeahs confirmed the ten time.

“Perfect Kagami, Adrien see you then.” With that Damian and Marinette hung up their respective phones.

“I’ve gotta go get some homework done before then, so I’ll see the two of you at ten too.” Luka got up and put his guitar in its case, which he then slung over his back. He grabbed his bike handles and started walking it out of the park.

“We’ll see you then Luka, oh say hi to your mom for me, and tell her I’ll have those pastries to her by next Tuesday!” Marinette called to him. He was already halfway out of the park so she had to shout a little louder. 

“Will do!” he called back. Marinette and Damian waved bye as he disappeared around the corner.

“So Dames, what do you want to do now?” she turned to him.

“I don’t know but we’ve got a couple hours to kill, you have any ideas?”

“I have one.” She said slyly, he looked at her face to see mischief in her bluebell eyes and a smile on her lips.

\------------------------------------------------------------

 ** _Game Over. Player 1 wins_**. It was their 7th game and Marinette had wiped the deck with Damian every time. He got maybe two kills over all the games. The duo were killing time in Marinette’s room and decided to play some video games.

“Well that was a fun game, play again?” She said setting her controller down and stretching her arms up. Damian had gotten slightly more use to being so thoroughly crushed, so he only gaped for a minute rather than everyone else’s 15-minute long gaping session.

“Mari I love you, but I don’t think I can lose to you again.”

“Come on you might win the next one.” She said lightly. “Mari don’t tease me it’s unbecoming of you.” “Doesn’t mean it’s not fun!” a buzz from her phone stopped her from saying another thing to annoy him.

 _ **Where are you guys, it’s already ten**_ **-Adrien**

 _ **Sorry was beating the ice prince in video games. Be there soon.**_ **-Marinette**

“You ready to blow off some steam, ten o’clock is upon us.” she gave a mock bow towards Damian sticking with her Ice Prince theme from the text.

“If you cut it with the royalty shtick I’ll even buy you some new fabric afterward.”

“Hmmmmm tempting but unlikely to happen.”

“I figured, but thought I’d try.” he held out an arm to her, “then are you ready to go mess with my brother's princess?”

“Let’s suit up.” She grabbed his hand, their excitement palpable.

“This will be fun.”


	5. The call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys have a conversation with Bruce before all hell breaks loose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahahaha we're gonna ignore the fact I haven't posted in months, for compensation can I give you an extra-long chapter?

“Ok, Damian, have fun.” Dick turned to his brothers. “Well, boys it looks like we’ll have the apartment to ourselves Damian’s staying with Marinette tonight.”

“And you're ok with that?!” Jason asked, shocked Dick would let their youngest brother stay over with his girlfriend. 

“Oh don’t give me that they’re both eighteen now and something tells me Marinette’s parents will keep more than one eye on them. So what do you guys want to do tonight.” The three brothers had decided that this trip to Paris would also be family time, especially considering how they didn’t really get any of that during the year.

“Scary Movie?” Tim asked. 

“Which one.” Jason was not watching another 

“How bout this one?” Tim picked up the box that Damian had left sitting out on the coffee table earlier that morning. Jason plucked it from Tim’s hands and began reading the title. 

“Night of the living statue. Are you sure this doesn’t even seem scary?” 

“I mean there’s always the crowbar wielding clown we could watch.” 

“Oh yeah, that one got burned a while ago.”

“Fair enough.” 

“So Night of the living statue it is,” Dick said, already making the popcorn.   
\------------------

“No don’t go into the basement, oh come on!” Jason was yelling at the screen. 

“Jason you know they can’t hear you right?” Tim said rolling his eyes, which were illuminated by the laptop screen sitting in front of him.

“I don’t care Replacement the fact they’re doing it goes against every bit of common sense, it just doesn’t make, well--” 

“Sense?” Dick supplied walking back into the room with the third popcorn bucket of the evening.

“Exactly I just don’t get it!” Jason held out his hands and made a grabbing motion for the bucket Dick easily sidestepped him and   
plopped down between the two. 

“Ok, Tim popcorns back computers off.” He said as he finished getting settled. 

“But I’m almost in, five more minutes and we get authentic Wayne manor security footage, and that’s better than any movie. 

“Rules are rules replacement you agreed to the trade so you have to deal with it,” Jason said munching on popcorn. 

“He’s right, and anyway if you keep going at it we’re gonna get a call from Al-” Right on cue, the video call screen popped up on Tim’s computer. He groaned before hitting accept. 

“Hey, Alf good to see ya ol’ buddy ol’ pal! How’s the good ol’ USofA?” He said in an overly perky voice. 

“Master Drake if I might request you stop attempting to hack onto the Batcave system it would be much appreciated.” Alfred’s voice rang over the call.

“Just hacking into security footage, huh?” Dick said glaring at Tim, Paris was a no hero weekend and Tim just broke that.

“I uh… I’m gonna go.” He said ending the call, moving quickly he closed his laptop grabbed a handful of popcorn, bolted over the couch to the room he was staying in, and closed the door. 

“Well, that’s the last we’ll be seeing of him tonight,” Dick said moving to grab his phone. He opened up Alfred’s contact at called him back. “Sorry, Alfred he’s just itching to get a case. He’s gotten really bored seeing Paris like a normal person, well as normal as you can get given we’re Waynes.”

“Don’t worry about it I have one of those as well.” He panned his camera over to where Bruce was sitting cowl down at the computer in the Batcave. Dick and Jason both gave a small laugh.

“How is he doing?” Dick asked.

“Oh same as usual, sulking during the night, acting like a complete buffon during the day.” Jason laughed, Dick heard Bruce mutter through the phone, and Alfred brought the camera over to Bruce. 

“Hey, Bruce how ya doing?” Dick asked innocently.

“How am I doing? Let’s see Richard, my sons hijacked the plane to go to Paris on a whim with no planning whatsoever, I got a call from Damian’s school that he was absent today. I'm also dealing with a very angry Italian ambassador, oh and with all the girls out on other missions I’m dealing with the entirety of Gotham and WE by myself for who knows how long. How do you think I feel?” The bags under Bruce’s eyes were more pronounced than usual as he berated his two older sons for a few more minutes, “now do you two have a reasonable explanation, or am I going to be feeding your asses to Harley Quinn for therapy sessions this week.”

“Damian has a girlfriend,” Dick said smoothly, Alfred and Bruce both paused, looked at each other, and burst out laughing.

“Please Dick if you’re gonna come up with an excuse at least make it a plausible one,” Bruce said while Alfred was attempting to compose himself in the background. 

“I’m telling the truth, her name is Marinette Dupain-Cheng. She’s in his class and apparently, they’ve been dating for the last few months.”

“I’m going to search her up and if you’re lying to me it’s three therapy sessions with Quinn.” Dick shivered remembering the last time that happened, He had been suspended over a shark tank until he admitted he needed to start putting himself first. Bruce typed a few things on the computer and let out a sharp whistle. “Well, I’ll be damned.” 

“See I told you,” Dick said smugly. 

“That doesn’t change the fact that---” Bruce was cut off as they heard a scream come from Tim’s room. 

“Sorry, Bruce gotta go check that out. Call you later.” Dick ended the video   
following Jason to Tim’s room where they saw him sitting over his computer furiously banging on the keyboard.

“Woah Woah replacement if you keep that up then there won’t be any computer left to type with.” 

“I don’t care! Someone cut the power and I was in the middle of checking Parisian crime records.

“Don’t freak out,” Dick said calmly, “I’ll go check the fuse box, you and Jason can go check the router. Ok?” 

“Ok,” Tim said taking a breath. He put his computer aside and walked out of the room with Jason following him. Dick tried to call Damian to find out where the fuse box was, but for some reason couldn’t get a signal inside the apartment. He walked out onto the balcony waving his phone up wildly seeing if a bar would show up. He sighed as he brought his phone down. Nothing. As he turned to go back inside he felt a small pinch on his neck he moved to swat at it and he felt nothing. As he stepped forwards his eyelids began drooping, he stumbled and reached for the railing. He missed and before he slipped into unconsciousness he felt the bite of cold cement against his arms.   
\-------------------------------

When Dick woke up the sun was streaming through the living room window. He felt a weight on his stomach and when he stretched his neck up he saw Jason was lying on him, with Tim lying on the top of the pile. He laid there a moment as the night caught up to him, he began formulating who would knock them out, and how he was going to get out of this dogpile when a sharp“Ahem” sounded from the doorway. Standing there was Damian in jeans and a shirt. 

“Well, it looks like you guys had a blast last night,” Marinette said poking her head in. It was the first time Dick had seen her without pigtails, instead, she had her blue-black locks tied back in a messy bun and she was suspiciously wearing Damian’s sweatshirt. 

“You want to tell me why Father called me last night wanting to know all about my girlfriend and why I hadn’t told him about her yet.” Jason and Tim gave simultaneous groans of annoyance as Dick hopped up. 

“Listen Damian I can explain,” He said stepping forward. He felt something hook his foot. “What the--” he got out before red paint came crashing down on top of him. Jason and Tim, both awake now, shot up trying in vain to avoid the downpour only to stumble into more strings. Before anyone could blink glitter rained down from the ceiling sticking to the paint coating the boys. A camera flash later saw them giving the death glare to Damian as he and Marinette stood off to the side trying not to laugh.

“What. the. Hell.” Dick said as he wiped paint from his eyes. 

“If you want to live Demonspawn you better hope that this paint comes out,” Jason said as he attempted to shake glitter from his hair. 

“If Con ever finds that picture Jason isn’t gonna be the one you should be scared of,” Tim said dangerously low. Damian finally cracked and started laughing. Collectively the three batboys stopped and looked up in shock. They hadn’t heard Damian laugh before, sure they’ve heard the evil laugh and the Robin laugh but never his laugh, it was soft light, and infectious. Before long Marinette was laughing too, while Jason Tim and Dick were all smiling. 

“Ok you were right that was better than anything I could think up,” Damian said as he composed himself.

“Hey give some credit to Luka,” Marinette said, “He was the one who suggested glitter.”   
Jason’s eyes widened as he realized that not only did Demon spawn pull a nonlethal prank, but Marinette was in on it. Not just Marinette but some kid named Luka too. 

“Wait back up, you’re telling me you guys decided that you should knock us out, and then dump red paint and glitter on us?” Tim said blearily. 

“Well, we couldn’t just come out and tell you,” Marinette responded.

“Well we could, but this is revenge for your little family trip,” Damian interjected.

“Tell us what? That you hate us with a passion? You’re an evil psychopath?” 

“You know for a family of detectives you guys can be rather slow.” Marinette slammed a hand over her mouth realizing what she had said. “I’m sorry I didn’t me--”

“I love you so much right now,” Damian said gawking at her, Marinette blushed.

“Ok, will one of you two please talk to us rather than whatever,” Jason gestured vaguely to the two of them, “that is.” 

“What color is the glitter?” Marinette said as she turned her attention from Damian. She sounded almost like a school teacher would when talking to children. 

“Black…” The boys responded in unison. 

“And what color is the paint?”

“Red.”

“So what’s red and covered in black spots.”

“Lady----- Oh for fucks sake,” Tim said slapping his hand on his forehead.

“There it is,” Marinette said triumphantly, a smile spreading across her lips. A few moments later Jason and Dick both gasped as the information finally sunk in. 

“Why can’t anyone in this family be normal.” The second youngest Wayne lamented. 

“Well, at least this means you can join my team and me on patrols. I bet that’ll make Paris a little more interesting.” Tim perked up.

“Woah. Woah. Woah. We can talk all that out later but you need to go get cleaned up before the paint stains the carpet.” Damian interrupted, he didn’t like the fact Marinette was talking about patrol with his brothers.

“I would like to remind you that this was your plan, Damian,” Dick said.

“It may be my plan but it’s someone else’s carpet now go.”

The three boys were shepherded to the bathroom while Damian and Marinette cleaned up the mess left in the living room. All three of them were rather impressed with the way the two of them had revealed Marinette’s identity, although it went unspoken how if anyone revealed it there would be serious consequences. 

It took them over an hour to even begin making a dent in the glitter-paint combination that covered their bodies. Dick having been directly under the bucket had it the worst, with Jason coming in at a close second. Jason thought he had at least gotten out the stuff in his hair during his shower, only to look in the mirror and let out one singular--

“Fuck.” Dick gave him a questioning look, in response, Jason just pointed to his hair. Where his white streak was now stained a deep crimson. “This means war.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BTW yes I did finish editing this during class, I'm also not great with pranking siblings, and since this was the way to tell them bout Marinette/Ladybug I ran with it.

**Author's Note:**

> This is actually intended to have a sequel, but I'm gonna be a little evil and not tell y'all when it's coming out.


End file.
